Bad Things Happen

Bad things can happen to good people, like when a drunk woman kept wrecking Lindsay Lohan’s car, but the title of “Divinity’s Most Abused Mortal” has to go to Job, whose ill fortune has been chronicled in the Old Testament, the New Testament, the Quran, the Doctrine and Covenants of the Mormon Church, and the “Cartmanland” episode of South Park.  (“All of Job’s children are killed, and Michael Bay gets to keep making movies.  There isn’t a God.”)  The scriptures agree that Job was a good and faithful man, tested by God, yet when Job demanded that He explain Himself, the Almighty beat around the proverbial (but in this case not the burning) bush.  God might as well have told Job exactly what he told Larry, not in the Old Testament but in the Old Joke.  After a run of appalling luck, Larry humbly petitioned the Lord for an explanation, to which God replied:  “I don’t know Larry, there’s just something about you that ticks me off.”